Shriek
by GS
Summary: In progress, 1x4, 2x5. Parody of Shrek. A near perfect kingdom lacks only a prince. A mismatched witch and a lonely vampire venture off to find their leader.
1. First, Our Heero

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GS NOTE: This is co-written by my good buddy tarnished oversoul and me. She insisted it be on my name. For some reason she thinks people read my stories. Anywho, this WAS POSTED UNDER ANOTHER NAME! No worries, that was our collective name, The Anime Avengers ^_^ No plagrism was done in the production of this fic.

tarnished oversoul's (old) Note: Hello my sweets. Ah yes, and thus begins a new fic by the Anime Avengers. Does the sweet essence not tingle in your nose? Can you not anticipate the twists and turns?

Okay, here's the buzz (and I don't mean just mean the buzz I'm getting off my cold meds.) I wanted to write a Gundam vampire fic, but I didn't know what to base the content on. So in my sickness I was sitting, and as a sat I watched, TV in fact. And I sat and I watched, and I watched and I sat. ALAS! An idea struck me! Why not do a parody on Shrek? In fact, a vampire parody called Shriek! (Come on, that princess almost looks like Duo.) And how original is this idea? I bet that no one out in Fan Fiction world has done this yet!

I think that GS is going to co-write this with me, so keep those fingers crossed. Also, I'm happy to announce that my daddy just purchased a brand new shining computer with Internet access! This means any comments, suggestions and/or rants will reach us (me in particular). Any comment you have on this we are more than willing to hear. Now, I don't mind a bit of constructive criticism, but if you happen to be one of those people who randomly picks stories and flames them, beware. GS may be polite, but I'm not. –Luv ya! -Tarnished Oversoul

Warnings: Anyone who does not like yaoi, scoot! This fic is not for you. Though I don't foresee any graphic details this is a PG-13 fic, (and of course, GS is going to change the rating later anyways.)I would like to mention that the couplings of this fic are 01+04 and 02+05.

THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! 2x5 and 1x4 ^_^ Don't like, don't read please. It won't focus totally on these couples though. Please just read it for the writing and the humour, not the pairings.

Disclaimers: We don't own GW, the guys or Shrek. We only pine out little hearts for them. Oh, and any children or immature adults are free to leave please ^_^

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Chapter 1 

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First, Our Heero

_Once, in a place where no one was on time, there was a kingdom. In the kingdom lived a beautiful Prince named Quatre who ruled over the prosperous lands under the supervision of his father. Unfortunately, a curse of a dreadful sort was laid on the Prince Quatre. His people abandoned him to the care of a dragon in the hopes that a brave being could come along and save the prince from his blight. He could only be set free from his spell with true love's first -_

"Hmph." The leather bound book was thrown into the wood stove to feed the dying fire. The young vampyre held the shard of painted glass to try and catch anything of his reflection. When he realized that the attempt was not going to give him more than a faint outline of dark hair and a fair face no matter what angle it was held at, he stopped and calmly threw the mirror too into the stove. 

The vampyre had a habit of throwing away or destroying things and people that did not agree with him or his system of thinking. Everything in his life had an order and a place and a time, and there was no place for social interaction of any kind.

He ignored the pile of identical books and the full length mirror at the end of the house. 

But as he had said, there was no place for social interaction. Except maybe dinner.

"Kill the vampyre!"

"Right on time." he noted with a steely voice. Even dinner came at the same time everyday. It was as if the villagers of Cinq just didn't realize that the mob they set out every third day at dusk didn't come back. Sooner or later the village would be completely devoid of men if they didn't wise up. Maybe they'd even send women. The vampyre had always thought that women had always had much sweeter blood than men anyway.

The Cinq vampyre stepped out of his crude hut with an indifferent look.

"Back! Back you villain!" shouted a braver villager with a torch. The vampyre didn't move, and the brawny man began to wave his garlic chain in front of him.

"Oh good, you brought your own seasonings." 

*** (Some time later)

"He wasn't bad if I don't say so myself." the vampire said in a smoothly metallic voice. He licked his lips sensually, savouring the delicate flavour that they held. "Yes, there is a reason why the O blood type is so rare to find in humans."

Now that the vampyre had fed, there were no duties left for the night and the rising of the sun was still so far off. So he donned a dark coloured cloak and disappeared into the night.

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A/N: Short, ne? Sorry, but the way my parts are working occasionally you're going to get these. I just wanted to get my next introduction and that just doesn't fit with this chapter.


	2. Witches Wanted

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Shriek

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Author's note: Hey, I know I said I was going to see if GS was going to help me with this, but I feel it's only fair to let her have a bit more of an introduction to work with. (Plus I don't have any diskettes to use at the moment.)

Just in case anyone was wondering, as far as I know homosexuality does seem to be to be a common occurrence in vampyres, (come on, has anyone read Anne Rice). Please excuse my archaic spellings of deamon (demon) and vampyre (vampire), I just like the feel of the words better.

Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own either Shrek or Gundam Wing so don't sue.

Warning: I already gave you one warning, yaoi hintings. That's all I'm going to say.

GS Note: Hey folks. Chapter 2 is just a little longer then the first, I'm sorry. However, the next two chapters are twice this size so that should make you happy. Wink, wink, if you reread that sentence you'll pick up the hint that the next two chapters are done. Yes, that's right ^_^ Review or read the story like good little people and I'll post the next in a few days.

Writing style will change next chapter to me, GS, and not tarnished oversoul, I swear. I hope that won't deter you from reading. I hear I'm quite good ^_^

Comments and question sin the review box, OR if ya wanna talk to me go to my update list or e-mail, all on my profile ^_^

Until then, catch ya later!

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Chapter 2 

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Witches Wanted

"Next!" was the shout of the heavily armoured officer. The braided boy threw a resentful glance over his left shoulder to his captor who bumped him forward in the line. When he decided that contorting his face would get him nowhere with this stupid cow of a man, he averted his violet eyes to his too tight bonds which he began to finger in desperation.

"Next!" Again that annoying voice, the man thought to himself, screwing up his face to show his apparent distaste for the man and his voice. The Neanderthal shoved him again, and he resisted the temptation to flail both arms and hit the idiot. The guard gave the boy before him a look of equal contempt before settling his eyes on the boy's captor.

"This a boy?" He said his sentence slowly, as if to make sure to penetrate the farmer's shallow knowledge.

"Ya damn right 'e's a boy." The man's words were punctuated by his chewing on a piece of spit-saturated straw.

"I confess I've never seen a male witch before, and this one looks far too pretty to be a boy. Are you sure this is a boy?"

"Yessir, this 'un's a boy." The guard shifted one of the heavy metal plates adorning his body, not sure what to think. "Dis 'ere is Duo Maxwell, an' I'm real shur he's a boy. I was dere 'en his mama 'ad him."

"I see, the witch'll be worth ten shillings if you can prove it. In fact, I'll make sure to take special care of this one." The look the guard gave the boy was that of one surveying a piece of steak before them before devouring it.

"Fuck you, I'm nobody's sex toy." Maxwell whispered a few words and the ropes around his hands disappeared. Another short incantation was all that was needed to loose the ball and chain from round his foot, and for a few moments the crowd of military men before him even paused what they were doing to stare at the long hair in a sort of awe. Maxwell raised his delicate hand to his mouth and blew on his nails before proceeding to buff them on his threadbare black shirt. 

"Yes, I am the great and awesomely powerful Duo Maxwell! Fear my wrath, or burn in the fiery infernos of hell as the others who doubted before you!" The boy stood a moment with his hands straight up in the air, waiting for the group of witches, their captors and soldiers alike to bow down in acceptance of his commands.

"Get him!" This was all the prompting needed to set the whole of the Romefellar army onto the sorely misled boy with all their spears, swords and daggers. A few growled and issued battle calls before turning on him, but when they had finished the whole of the military units (disincluding the gold issuer who called out over the confusion, "NEXT!") turned on him 

Maxwell took this as his cue to run.

Unfortunately for Maxwell, too much riding of broomsticks does nothing to harden the legs for running. While the brunette panted and puffed, the army advanced on him rapidly. Maxwell thought only of what would happen to him if he were caught as he ran feverishly, and that alone kept his barely in shape body moving. 

He would have thought to use a handy time freezing spell, but that type of spell was especially difficult and required a long incantation that Maxwell just didn't have the breath to recite. So when the when the military troops caught up with the boy he only issued a long, silent curse as he leant onto a tree.

"Witch, you and your companion are under the custody of the Romefellar army." The head of the guard smiled slyly, thinking of what he could do with the two beautiful captives in front of him. The one with the long hair and beautiful violet eyes appeared to have some minimal powers, but those could be kept in check with crafted crystal bindings. And there was the dominant looking one, who though shorter than the lankier frame of the violet eyed boy seemed to command a dominance in his shockingly cold cobalt eyes. There were so many possibilities: watch the two screw each other, do one of them, do both of them…and the list went on.

"Companion?" Duo tightened his grip on the surprisingly smooth branch of the tree after the prolonged pause of catching his breath. He really needed to lay off the cream puffs, he noted with an inward smile. 

Wait a minute. 

His fingers gently trailed delicately down smooth skin to meet a brother hand, not the rough bark of a tree. He turned around and gasped at the figure before him. He had flawless white skin, a white that rivalled even the purest forms of ivory he sometimes used in potions, an undead white that was more untainted than even the simple white shirt beneath his black coat. 

His dark hair rippled in the wind, his intensely blue eyes seemed to swallow Duo but at the same time his aura repelled all contact. The tight, black leather of his pants against his skin accented the muscles of his well-built and trained physique. A simple black rose, the bloom of the damned, stuck its head ironically out of his coat pocket, and Maxwell knew at once that this boy whose hand he clasped was a vampyre.

A vampyre, his sworn enemy to destroy, and yet he didn't seem to care.

Maybe this vampyre would just suck become so drunk off the blood of the soldiers before them that he would forget that Duo Maxwell was a witch and spare him. Besides, he didn't look scary so much as a kid who'd just sucked a sour lemon, or something. Maxwell couldn't justify his feelings, but he just seemed to have an uncanny like for the guy. 

Duo draped an arm around the vampyre's shoulders while the people around him watched in astonishment, but none were more astonished than the vampyre himself. "Oh, you mean my friend Dracula over here?"

"You, back you fiends!" cried a guard in a panic. Seeing no such thing was about to happen, he took off at a run. A few soldiers waved crosses as the head in command tried to control his troops. 

"Both of you are under arrest by the Romefellar Foundation!" He insisted finally, the big brute of the man. In a final attempt for dignity, he crossed his arms over his chest in what he figured an authoritative pose.

"You and whose army?" whispered the vampyre coyly with a tiny smirk.

"Why, this army!" The soldier proclaimed valiantly with a dramatic sweep of his arm. He then stilled, as if waiting for his army to charge the pair. "I _said_, why this army!"

"Buddy, you might not want to hear this but that army just went on a little holiday." Maxwell's smile grew as he watched the confused captain turn around in disgusted disbelief. When the man realized that the witch was true in what he said, his cocky face paled to a considerably lighter shade.

"Ah, yes, well…" The man shifted in his heavy army, contemplating the odds of running away. But if there was any chance for him to do this, it must be at a moment the two hellful beasts least expected. He must first put the deamons at ease, and then suddenly run off like a startled animal. "Yes, I believe I may have been in the err on that one. Yes, that was my bad. I was very, very wrong, and I stand before you a man ready to apologize. No, you don't like apologies, maybe I could-"

The vampyre reached out one of his lustrous hands and grabbed the man's jaw tightly in a liquid movement that was instantaneous to the eyes of both Maxwell and the captain. Dull, semi-intelligent eyes bulged slightly out of the harsh skull, but the vampyre still continued to squeeze and grate the face until it gave a pathetic squeal similar to that of a pig before it's slaughtering.

"Shut up," he suggested with another squeeze. "You talk too much." And while the pathetic excuse for a human whimpered again, the vampyre touched his lips to his neck in a tease. 

The soldier wasn't particularly handsome, nor was he so smart as to cause Heero enjoyment in this game of cat and mouse, but the sheer rush he got from playing mind games with the human, first instilling sheer physical torture followed quickly with physical pleasure was delightfully deceitful. So now he held the dark haired captain in his embrace, and began to suckle gently at his neck.

Duo stood back a distance from the scene playing out before his eyes, not quite sure what to think of the situation.

When the human whimpered again to the vampyre, it was not from the same type of sheer excruciating pain as it had been moments ago. Heero withdrew himself for a moment to clearly see the lust-stricken face of his victim, to which he smiled devilishly. 

He ran his tongue first across his lips, and then across the soldier's who moaned in ecstasy. And when the human had his eyes closed his eyes and was calling out for more, the fair skinned monster violently tore at the nape of his neck with a perfectly pointed nail and began to drink from the slowly pouring blood.

"Fuck." seethed the angry soldier, realizing his stupid mistake that would now cost him his life. The soldier pondered for a moment, and then brilliantly discovered his fate had been sealed when he stood idle while his army ran away. He cursed once more at the vampyre when Heero bit deeper into the flesh to allow the crimson spill to flow faster. He cursed until his blood flowed out from his throat, and still he continued to swear.

"Stop that, you're wasting." The vampyre stopped for a swift moment to relay his message, but only a swift one as not to let the life force of the human slip away while he talked. He'd grown tired of the human's pathetic words, so with a rapid movement he sliced deeper into the body before him and sucked it to a husk. Then with a fluid movement, his arm dropped down and let the body fall carelessly to the carpeted forest ground. He then turned his sights to the witch.

"Umm…?" Duo stood still, considering something coy to say. "That whole blood sucking thing, you think that up yourself?"

The vampyre stared coldly at the taller witch with his burning eyes while the teen continued to chat. "Yeah, that was some really good work back there. You really scared them off good! Thanks man, I owe you one."

"Aren't you scared of me?" the beautiful vampyre asked. "Aren't you afraid that I'm going to do to you what I did to him?"

"Should I be?"

The vampyre was shocked by this response and blinked slowly. "When people look at me I seem to give the impression of fear. Why not in you?"

Maxwell fondly wrapped an arm around the vampyre. "Well, I have no where to go and no future. What the hell? Why not befriend a vampyre? So I thought to myself, this one saved my life anyway, he can't be that bad. Isn't it funny how fate works?"

"You talk a lot," The vampyre cocked his head. "What's your name witch?"

"My name's Duo Maxwell, you can call me Duo. Who are you?"

"Umm," the vampyre cocked his head at the boy as if unsure of his name. "Heero Yuy."

Together the two walked through the lush forest for a while, Maxwell humming as he walked.

"Hey Heero?" the witch finally asked. "How do you stay in the sun without shriveling up?"

"Really good sunscreen,"


	3. An Unlikely Quest

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Author's Note: GS lacks motivation to read, let alone write this story, and she's a little tied up right now, so your friendly author Tarnished Oversoul will take this into her own hands. Excuse me, I know I like to write in triplicates, so my adjectives, repetitions and such the like will reflect this, so if this annoys you, don't read it. And thanx to all the reviews (all four of them) I like to hear what people have to say about my fics.

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GS: Ok, this is going to be taken over by me now. My plate is no less full then it was when chapter 2 came out but I get bored easily. The writing style will change somewhere in this part, try and guess where! The first one to pick the right sentence gets a cyber sweet ^_^

And I swear, it's a 1x4, 2x5. Next chapter it'll seem more apparent that it's NOT a 1x2 (insert evil chuckling)

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Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.

Chapter 3

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An Unlikely Quest

The first thing Maxwell noticed was the castle. It was a huge Celtic thing, centuries old even now. Beaten and worn by the weather and sieges, it stood proudly against the world with an almost mock to, like "come and get me, I'm indestructible." It was set up on a red faced cliff, a strategically perfect location for a duke or baron who wanted a safe nook and an advantage over any attackers. The castle rock itself was cut out of some sort of black stone, the type usually volcanoes tended to spit out, and shone magnificently when the light struck. It was beautiful, it was timeless, it was the perfect resting place for it's immortal dweller.

"Wow Heero, is that yours?" The witch couldn't contain himself from asking the question that seemed so obvious. Naturally it was to his surprise then when the vampyre smirked and passed the crumbling, but hardy ruined building without a glance back.

**********

"What?" was the surprised little yelp of the vampyre upon seeing the littering of people that surrounded his cabin. People more specifically known as witches, (and as this is fairytale based), most of them the scraggly old hags with falling out black hair, half their teeth and warts that were usually depicted as being witches. The vampyre hated contact, with human or witches otherwise. The vampyre hated things he didn't understand, and there was suddenly a witch's convention in his garden. The vampyre didn't know many witches, but sworn enemies were brought up in such a manner as to hate each other.

So he was furious by the sight of them. The noisy lot of them, agitated his ears with their multitude of shrieking voices like nails grating against slate.

And almost as an afterthought, he noted they were tramping in his black roses!

"What are you doing in my rose garden?" The voice was silkily smooth and attractive while still able to convey his unmasked cruelty. The witches and all their noise stopped slowly to look at the too white creature in all his glory and anger, offset by the sinking sun. Fists unclenched themselves as the beast felt himself calming and he coolly repeated his sentence.

Maxwell seemed to melt from his side, rejoining the crowd of witches as the vampyre glared.

The bravest one, an old woman with undistinguishable features from scarring, spoke up. "We 'have be'n rel'cated on't—wait a minute," she reached into her mouth and pulled out the cotton balls stuffed in her cheeks to cause them to droop. Immediately she looked a few years younger. She straightened up too. "Sorry. We have been relocated on to your land by order of the Romefeller Kingdom." She glared at him, causing a brief tension to wash over the camp. "And trust me, we have no intention on staying."

"Then leave," Heero shrugged, breaking the small glaring contest. "Now. Before something awful happens to you."

"We can't," the witch went on. "Haven't you been listening? We were kicked off. I don't know about you but I don't feel like getting a bath from one of _those_ guards."

"If you don't leave I suppose I'll have a permanent buffet," Heero smirked. "Ok then, you can stay."

The witch glared at him as the rest of them shrunk back in fear. She seemed to grown two inches. "Fine. We'll stay. But only after we burn your house down, trample your garden, tell the villagers of your 'reading habits'—"

"How do you know about that!?"

"—that pink bear under your pillow, the ladies underwear in the closet—"

"Fine!" Heero's pale, featureless face was red. "I'll go and get you off my land! Who the hell is in charge of that…Romefeller place? And where are they?"

"His name is Dekim Barton," the witch smirked. "And I have a guide who can show you where he is. Isn't that right, Duo?"

**Meanwhile, in the Romefeller Foundation castle** 

The courtyard was silent. The market was silent. The houses were silent. The castle was silent. Even the thief stealing over the castle walls was silent. 

Well, there was one place that the quiet didn't penetrate. 

"Fucking piece of shitty bitching fuck! Crappy holy hells, flying fuckity fuck, fuck! Why the fuck won't the fucking ass move its god damned ass out of my fucking way! I gotta get into my fucking house you fucking—"

But that was the only place, we swear….Sorry.

The above mentioned thief ignored the profanity exercise being practiced by the angry peasant. He focused on getting over the high walls and into the stony building. His green eyes narrowed as he hid in the bushes attractively surrounding the base of the inner wall. A guard walked past, his shoes carefully padded to not make noise. Once the guard's back was turned, the tall boy slunk past him. With graceful, cat-like movements, he skimmed up the walls. With any luck, one of the bedroom windows would be open. 

This just happened to be one of the luckiest thieves in the world.

Leather clad feet didn't make a sound as they landed on the carpet in the crown prince's room. Stalking up to the huge bed, the thief reached into his boot and withdrew a shining blade. A slender hand reached up and covered the prince's nose and mouth. The prince woke up with a start but his struggled ceased as the quick blade slid easily under his ribs. There was a muffled gasp then the blonde's eyes slid shut as his spirit left his body. 

The thief made quick work of the body and hid it under the bed. He shimmied out of his worn clothes and got into the large silk ones the prince kept in his drawers. He took off the bloody sheets and stuffed them under the bed with the body. Then , without wasting anymore time, he slid between the fresh sheets, closed his eyes and drifted off into a slight sleep. 

Oh, we forgot to mention that this thief also doubled as an assassin. Ops. 

**Next day in Romefeller**

The sun rose over the quiet town. With it came the first noises of the morning. Roosters crowed as men began to wake up. Wives started to cook in the kitchen as the marketplace began to open. Children started to play peaceful in the streets as in less then an hour the palace was filled with joyful order.

The king smirked at the sight. Or rather the sound. The old man turned to leer at the female witch currently handcuffed to the wall beside his bed. She sagged on the chains, her skin torn and bleeding. He could feel her hatred despite his blind eyes. He cleared his throat as he heard a servant come through the doors.

"Call my son. I want him to join me."

Now, last night the real crown prince was disregarded like a dirty pair of underwear and shoved under the bed. The recent killer slumbered peacefully in his place when the sound of knocking woke him up. The servant didn't bother to wait before walking in.

"Prince Trowa, your father requests an audience immediately," the words were brisk. The boy looked at the kneeling man with weary eyes. The servant hesitated and looked at him confused. "Prince Trowa…er, did you lose weight?"

"Yes."

"Change your clothes?"

"Yes."

"Get a new…fragrance for your room?"

"Um…y-es."

"Change your hair?"

The thief paused before answering with an unsure tone, "Yes?"

"Ah," the man nodded, still staring at him. "It looks good. Your father…"

"Wait out side and I'll get dressed," the newly named Trowa Barton ordered quietly. The man nodded and left. The thief pondered his situation as he shifted through the wardrobe. Maybe he could pass for the prince. If one man could mistake him…

Trowa opened the door, looking small in the large clothes of the beefy corpse. The servant led the way down the halls, still sneaking glances over his shoulder. The new Trowa ignored them. The door opened to the old king and the woman chained up. The king waved the servant out of the room as Trowa stepped in a little nervously. He relaxed when the king's blind eyes focused on him.

"Ah, son, I want you to see this," the king waved to a bucket on the ground. "This, this is holy water. Surely you've heard of the tales about melting witches, the screams in agony and despair? Prepare for a demonstration. Take the bucket and pour it on the witch!"

Trowa paled as the witch struggled and tried to curse through the gag. The youth slowly walked over to the innocently wooden bucket sitting on the floor. He looked up sorrowfully at the young woman, her blue eyes pleading. Trowa held the bucket, thinking hard. There must be a way…

With a smooth, silent thrust, the prince whirled and sunk his blade into the king's throat. There was a choking sound as the clouded eyes dulled and the king slumped to the ground. 

He quickly dropped the dagger in the bucket of holy water before picking up the key from the old man's belt and unlocking the woman from her chains. She seemed unafraid, rubbing her wrists calmly and stretching sore muscles. Trowa couldn't decide why. He opened his mouth to speak. She held up her hand to stop him.

"Bahahah," she grinned. "My name is unimportant but I a seer." She looked at him and blinked. "And a mind reader. Hm, you're not the real Trowa Barton. Oh and you're employer is dead, his whore took it too rough on him last night."

Trowa started at the information but slowly shrugged. "I wasn't attached to him any how."

"I can do you a small favour, though." She smiled. "Since you were so kind to bestow one on me. The princess, now your sister, will know who you aren't. You must dispel her intentions. As you do not desire the throne you must marry her off now, before she can raise a fuss. You can pass down the throne and live your life a prince. Look for this prince in the tallest tower of the tallest castle guarded by a Dragon! This I see and foretell!"

There was a puff of smoke and Trowa covered his face. When he looked again the woman was gone. His green eyes darted around before he saw the wooden door swinging on its hinges. He sighed wearily as he heard her chuckling to herself as she ran away.

"I might as well take her advice," Trowa mused calmly. "It would help a great deal. But where to find a prince…"

***

"Just you and me again!" Duo grinned cheerfully, his braid swinging as he jauntily walked beside his stony companion. "Isn't this just great? Just you and me and…well nature I guess. Yup, nothing like the good silence between friends, huh oh buddy pal of mine? Peace and quiet—"

"Would you _please_ shut up!" Heero growled, the tone clearly not a request. "I can't stand it anymore! If you don't shut up, I'm going to eat you anyway and just find someone else to guide me!"

Duo was a bit taken back but broke back into his steady stream of chatter, not oblivious to the angry pouring off his companion.

"But of course the quiet can't really be appreciated unless you share it! It's kind of boring unless it's a comfortable silence or a companionable silence or—"

Heero threw the witch against the nearest tree, his hand over Duo's neck and his fangs barred. He was centimeters from Duo's face, his pupils pinpricks in the hypnotizing blue of his eyes.

"I'm kind of thirsty, how about you?" Heero all but purred dangerously. Duo gulped but forced a grin on his face.

"Ba!" Duo said cheerfully. "You wouldn't hurt me! Nope, we're friends remember?"

"I heard you, several times in fact," Heero pulled back now that he felt he had scared the witch then let him go. "I agreed to no such thing."

Duo sighed with relief and moved his neck back and forth, checking for any bite marks and finding none. Heero moved off down the path, silent as a ghost and liquid as a cat. Duo shook his head with a smile. He'd better be cautious. 

Before dark fall they came over the rise of a hill. Spread over the deep valley was a huge, grand castle. White stone gleamed in the lowering sunlight, crops grew in neat fields and even the trees around the palace looked like they were trimmed.

"Come on," Heero started down the lush hill, his feet trampling the grass. "I have to talk to the king now. The longer your kind says on my property, the worse things get. Who knows what will change shape when I step on it? Mushrooms turning into flesh eating lizards isn't what I moved there for."

Duo struggled to find a hint of crab grass among the combed lawns but failed.

They passed unnoticed into the castle. Silence reigned over the whole palace. The streets were freshly washed. The bushes neatly trimmed. A statue of the king looked harshly down on the village from the square where Heero and Duo found themselves. The white buildings were trimmed with fresh paint, the signs spelled out neatly. From the square (the centre round the king sporting hundreds of artfully places flowers), the streets spread out in a perfect sequence. No street differed from another.

Duo reached out and clutched Heero's sleeve without thinking. Heero sighed, went to shake him off, then thought better of it when he thought about how much the boy would complain.

"W-Where are we?" Duo asked in a hushed voice, the sound being alien to the town.

"Romefeller," Heero answered still looking around.

"How do you know?"

"There," on the edge of the circle surrounding the statue was a bulletin board. It held a map. There was a red circle around one spot on the map and a small hand pointing to it. Under the hand it read: "You are here!". Duo glanced at the title of the map. Romefeller Village. 

"I knew that!" Duo struggled to cover his embarrassment. "I just wanted to see if you knew it!"

Heero rolled his eyes. He pointed to a notice off to the side of the map. "There is a tournament. The prince is looking for 'A valiant knight to complete a quest! Details provided upon entry.'"

"That sucks," Duo nodded understandingly. Heero resisted the urge to roll his eyes again, then left for the direction pointed out on the map. Duo hurried to catch up to him. 

***

All ready it was mid-day and Trowa had a sudden headache. Soon after his father's body was discovered, he announced a tournament to find the bravest knight in the kingdom to find a prince for his sister. Well, Trowa hadn't announced it. A man down in the registry had taken the liberty to assume that Trowa would be wracked with brotherly love towards his helpless sister and want to marry her off right away. Either way, it suited Trowa's purposes.

He had known taking the prince's identity would be a hard task. He had just assumed it would be in trickery or deception. He never dreamed it would be holding his tongue from shouting out the truth.

"You're hair looks great today, Prince Trowa!"

"Absolutely smashing!"

"Makes you look taller!"

"Makes you look younger!"

"Makes you look older!"

"Makes you look like a completely different person!"

_I am, you morons!_ Trowa physically had to bite his cheek to keep from screaming. Were all these people that dense? Well, there was one person he was under scrutiny from.

Seated beside him, out in the hot sun, watching the knights register, was his pretty, young 'sister'. The tall blonde kept watching him from the corner of her eye. He finally snapped.

"What is your problem, sister?" he all but growled under his breath. It did nothing to intimidate the princess. Instead she took the chance to turn her full attention to him.

"Oh, nothing, Prince _Trowa_," she commented calmly. "I was just thinking about how different you look today. Really, where did you go to get your hair done?"

Her tone was sarcastic and he felt a touch of nervousness. He turned to glare at her. "The same place that takes care of your eyebrows, _princess_."

Instead of it being the crushing blow he expected, the princess laughed out loud. "Actually, I do that myself. Now how you got your hair to change your height, weight and identity is a truly amazing feat. No really, do tell!"

Trowa ignored her and looked out on the field. Amid the confusion, he saw something quite unexpected. Just entering from behind the stands was two youths. Both looked like a wind could knock them over. Trowa squinted, the pale one looked like he was dead. He shrugged, it must be the sun.

Taking the carefully prepared speech that had been handed to him when he had sat down, Trowa stood. Immediately the crowd fell silent. Trowa blinked, it was a bit unnerving, he was suddenly glad his face was obscured by his hair.

"Ladies and gentlemen, peasant folk," Trowa read off the cards. "I am pleased to present to you your knights. Gesture to knights, wait for applause. Their noble quest upon winning the tournament is to go off and seek a prince for the lovely Princess Dorothy to marry. This prince shall be your future king. Only the purest of heart will be able to stand the fiery tongue of the guardian dragon. If the champion should fail, we shall send the next runner up and so forth."

That explained. Trowa sat down again, glad to be out of the spotlight. There was silence over the crowd.

***

"Here's our chance," Heero strode through the crowd, still a bit befuddled by the odd speech. He halted in front of the prince's stand, his witch nervously beside him. The vampire pierced the prince with a deadly glare.

"Prince Trowa!" the voice from the undead boy seemed to strike the hearts of every person in the stands. "I have come to demand that you stop putting foul witches on my lands!"

"Hey!"

"I want them **out**!" Heero thundered the last word, unmindful to the indignant sputtering beside him. The crowd froze, fear stilling movement. Finally, somebody broke the silence.

"A hero! A hero!" a straggling cheer started in the stands and it soon became a chant. 'A hero, a hero, a hero, a hero!"

Heero stood, looking in disbelief at the crowd. Duo started sniggering beside him. "Well, _Heero_," the witch could barely contain his laughter as he swung an arm around the vampire's shoulders. "Looks like a fan club."

Trowa sighed, this was supposed to be an uncomplicated day. He had to find a way to end this quick. He stood up and the crowds fell silent again.

"You want your land back so badly?" he questioned. Heero nodded with an angry gleam. "Fine. Go get that prince and you shall have your land back."

That said, Trowa sat back down. He turned calmly over to his sister. "What witches?"


	4. Hero Er, Heero And a duo I mean THE Duo

**__**

GS Note: Ha, and the real 2x5 appears! 1x4 to follow ^_~

Shriek

__

Hero. Er, Heero. And a duo. I mean, THE Duo.

Nightfall found the two companions stomping back along the same path they had come by. Even now as Duo struggled to see in the darkness, he couldn't find a flaw with the landscape. It even reflected the moonrise so the walls gleamed with a vengeance. It was too good to be true.

They walked along in quiet for a while before Duo dared chance a question.

"So," he decided to start out simply. No use getting Heero riled up right away. "Do we know where we are going?"

"_I_ know where _I_ am going," Heero growled. "_You _aren't involved."

"I got you this far!" Duo refused to give up and trotted a few paces to look Heero in the face. "Admit it, you'd miss me if I left."

"Yes, I would miss your inconsistent chatter," Heero replied dryly and rolled his eyes. "I would miss your strange, bothersome ways."

"I was almost offended by that, Heero my man!" Duo jauntily strode beside the vampire.

"What a pity."

"Verbal stab wounds! Oh stop, stop! My ego can't take it!"

Anyway, it turned out to be a fairly easy, if annoying, trip. Heero's decoy castle near his house was made out of the same rock as a local volcano. He remembered fondly the days where he controlled the ancestors of Duo's race and the Rollefellors. Hauling coal black stone from one place to another… it hadn't been much of a decoy back then for sure. Too many people knew he was only making it as a decoy. Actually, the inside was hollow so the impressiveness of the outside would either scare off people or allow them to wander inside and start decorating.

Duo couldn't help but let out an impressed whistled at the towering mountain. 

"So this prince is up there, huh?"

"I remember something about an abandoned castle surrounded by a moat of lava and a dragon," Heero nodded. "And where you find a place like that, there is bound to be a desperate prince."

"I thought that was princesses."

"Only if you read cheap romance novels," Heero snorted. He pulled a small, leather bound book out of his shirt. "These are the only things that tell the truth."

"Bathroom Reading Manual – The Shittest Read You Ever Read?" Duo tilted his head to read the title. Heero snorted and put it back. 

"They're prophets," Heero replied easily and started up the old trail. Duo grinned and followed him. The path, though old, was level and easily climbable. Heero didn't bother to mention it had been molded over a hundred years ago when he had forced his human slaves to toil on the mountain. 

Duo felt the temperature start to rise instead of drop. He pulled on his collar slightly as they neared the top.

"Is it me, or is it getting kind of warm?"

Heero nodded, a couple steps ahead. He stopped as the trail ended "I'm assuming that would be the molten rock there."

Duo followed his gaze to the churning lava in the drop only a couple feet from them. Duo swallowed hard. He grinned, "Well, see ya Heero! Meet you at the bottom!"

Heero grabbed the witch's braid with a smirk. "You got yourself into this, witch. Come on, I know where the tunnel leading into the castle is."

Duo tore his eyes off the rolling rock and saw what Heero meant. Not too far away, completely isolated from the rim of the volcano was a steel grey castle. It was well used with scorch marks and missing walls. It looked impossible to get to.

"Do you mean an underground tunnel?" Duo managed to squeak out as Heero began walking around the level rim and dragged the witch after him by the braid. Heero spared a glance over his shoulder and nodded. "As is made out of rock?" Heero nodded again. "As in the freaking melted rock down there?" Duo's voice quivered.

"No," Heero snorted at the ridiculousness. "The tunnel rock isn't melted."

"Oh, that's good," Duo muttered sarcastically. "As long as the rock under the molten lava isn't melted."

To Duo's surprise there was indeed a tunnel. It started as a hole in the ground and as he peered over to take a look, a sharp kick to his back sent him tumbling. He yelped as he felt himself fall a short distance then hit a thick layer of soft dust. 

"Heero you- _achoo_ – moronic – _achoo_ – asshole!" Duo yelled, his voice echoing as the dust swirled around him and up his nose. 

Heero dropped gracefully beside him and helped him to his feet. Then the vampire shrugged. "I didn't know how soft the landing would be."

"Th- _achoo_- anks for the w-w- _achoo_ – warning!" the sarcasm was ruined by the sneezing. 

The tunnel was quite dark. After they started moving, Duo felt himself stumbling along behind his companion. Heero moved easily in the dark. Duo snorted, of course. What else was a creature of the night to do?

It felt like the tunnel was endless and, despite the knowledge that boiled rock was churning overhead, Duo was starting to get chilled. He was very grateful to see a dim light signaling the end of the corridor. 

He wasn't so gratefully to be greeted by the charred remains of a suit of armor. That was almost enough to send him scuttled back down the tunnel. Heero walked past it unaffected. Duo shuddered and hurried to catch up.

"So, where is this prince?"

Heero shrugged and pulled out the book. He flipped a few pages before reading out loud: "'His people imprisoned him in tallest tower of his castle with a dragon to guard him'. I guess that leaves there," Duo looked to where Heero pointed through a missing wall to a huge tower on the other side of the castle. 

"Great," Duo sighed. "And the dragon?"

"I'll look for the dragon," Heero replaced the book in his shirt. "You look for the prince."

"Now that is something I can do!" Duo grinned. He turned to a hall that might lead him to the tower and gave a careless wave. "See ya!"

Heero snorted as the witch hurried off. As soon as the braid was out of sight, Heero turned on to his task. A dragon. He could do that.

Duo didn't run down the stone halls as he scanned nervously for stairs. He started to ramble. "Stairs, stairs… this shouldn't be too hard. Stairs are big, easy to find, very safe. Well, unless you trip and fall, then you break your neck and die. That's not very safe but safer then being burned to a crisp by a dragon. Ah man, what if I run into the dragon? I bet he knows where the damn stairs are…"

Duo picked up the nearest weapon on the ground, a rusty sword that was his own body length. It was heavy and he had to hold it with both hands but it started to make him feel better. 

"Ha, let the dragon come," Duo smirked. "I'll kick his dragon ass from here back to Romefeller! That dragon won't know what hit him-"

"Do you always talk this much?"

Duo nearly sliced his foot off as he dropped the sword in surprise. He whirled around to locate the amused voice that had interrupted his oral thoughts. "Show yourself, uh, coward!"

A shadow he had passed a couple of minutes ago detached from the wall. Sharp, dark eyes smirked at him as the stranger smiled darkly. He leaned against a pillar as Duo felt his head slow down. 

"So you're the prince huh?" he sighed relieved. "Oh good, I thought it was a dragon or something!"

"I think you've been mistaken," the boy smiled again, Duo swallowed at the feral look he was receiving. "My name is Chang Wufei, the Dragon."

***

Heero heard movement behind one of the only remaining wooden doors in the castle. It was open a crack and he definitely heard noise from within. He dismissed the idea of pests. Even if one was brave enough to climb the mountain, smart enough to find the tunnel and clever enough to find food in the castle, the dragon would have probably eaten it.

He slowly pushed the door open, his entire body tense with anticipation as the movement suddenly ceased. The room became still, too still, which only made Heero's eyes glint. It had been far too long since his last hunt. 

He took a step into the room.

There was a shout as a heavy book lobbed Heero in the forehead and sent him tumbling to the ground seeing stars. 

***

Duo burst out laughing. Wufei stopped smiling and began to glower as Duo grabbed the support he was leaning on to keep his balance. Tears were streaming down the witch's face as Wufei's eyes seemed to shoot fire.

"I-" Duo struggled to catch his breath. "I'm s-sorry but, come on! You, the dragon?"

"I am!" Wufei growled. He stood up and balled his fists. "I am the last of the Dragon Clan, swore to protect the prince! The village people called us too-"

Duo's snickered caused the boy to ground his teeth. "Look, you worthless little thief! I don't know how you got in here but you have to leave now!"

"Oh, a polite dragon now?" Duo chuckled. "I didn't see that one."

"I'll-" Wufei's small frame seemed to grow. "I'll show you polite!"

A sword Duo hadn't seem before suddenly forced his head back against the stone pillar. The witch carefully began to recite the last words he had said then felt like kicking himself. Dammit. 

"Look, uh, Wufei was it? I think you misunderstood-"

"Misunderstand this!"

***

The world spun back into focus in the disguise of a pale face framed with golden blonde hair and anxious blue eyes. Heero's head throbbed as the body over him practically sobbed in relief. 

"I'm so sorry!" were the first words out of the other boy's mouth. Heero closed his eyes as pain laced through his brain but it didn't dull the boy's enthusiasm. "I thought you were Wufei, he always ducks and I really didn't mean to hit you! Are you okay?"

Heero grunted a reply and struggled to sit up. He pushed the blonde boy back as he gained his bearings. He was in the room he had been trying to get to. It was a library. There was no dragon. However, there was a pretty, young (and possible) prince. Heero touched his forehead searching for a wound and finding none. At least he had found one of the targets. 

"Are you okay?" the prince repeated again. Heero snorted this time and pushed himself to his feet. From his height towering over the blonde, he struck an imposing impression on the prince. 

"Are you the prince?"

The boy practically pissed himself as the deep voice rumbled in the room. He swallowed before squeaking out a reply. "Um, yes. My name's Quatre." _Man, he looked a lot more helpless when that book smashed his head. _

"Good. Come on. We are leaving."

"Leaving?" the boy echoed the words. "As in _leaving_?"

"Am I speaking another language?" Heero glared. Quatre shook his head quickly and Heero snorted. "Good, then I hope you understood that. Now, we're leaving as soon as we can find the witch."

"Witch?" Quatre couldn't stop himself. "I don't know a witch. The only other person here is Wufei and he's a dragon."

Heero's head shot around at that word. "Where is he?"

Quatre shrugged. "He left a couple of minutes ago saying he heard something, I thought you were him when you came in."

"We have to find him _now_."

***

When Duo heard the angry words he fully expected the sharp edge of the sword to snuff out his life. He thought he was going to die. He nearly wet himself because he assumed that the boy-claiming-to-be-a-dragon was royally pissed at him. The only thing _not_ on his brain was the thing that was currently happening.

Duo's tried to pull his thoughts together enough to push the boy away from him but the kiss was so good…

Wufei pushed him roughly against the cold stone pillar as he ravaged the witch's mouth. The slender sword was long forgotten as he pinned the boy's arms at his side and pressed his body tight against the lean, hot boy sandwiched between him and the wall.

He pulled away eventually and smirked at the glazed over eyes staring at him. The witch looked almost shell-shocked as Wufei growled attacked his mouth again, nipping at his lips and plundering his mouth again. 

Duo finally managed to register more then the emotions and feelings the dragon was provoking on him. He started to struggle but Wufei just pushed him harder against the rough stone support. His wrists were in an almost painfully tight grasp as a choked moan worked its way up into the back of his throat.

His belly started to flutter and grow tight as the grip on his arms started to relax and one let go entirely to run up his side and made his shiver. The last thought of retreat disappeared as the smooth hand ran down again to tease his growing arousal.

Wufei was delighted as the witch stopped protesting and leaned against him. Duo's tongue began to war with his own and Wufei growled again as he let go of Duo's other wrist and placed it behind the long-haired boy's head to push him closer. 

Duo hesitantly wrapped his arms around Wufei's waist but all thought left as Wufei started to grind against him.

Suddenly, the hot, moving body of the dragon left Duo cold and shivering as he was sharply yanked away and thrown on the rubble of the cement. Wufei cursed as he scrambled to his feet and Duo held onto the pillar behind for support as he regained his breath and wits.

Heero glared murderously at the dragon then looked back to Duo.

"What the hell are you doing!"

Duo felt himself blush. "What do you think I was doing? Even a moron could tell-"

Wufei took the opportunity to reclaim his sword and held it threateningly at the Heero and witch. "You are going to regret that, vampire," Wufei practically spit out the last word. 

Duo swallowed as he looked at Wufei. The boy's eyes seemed to glow and he started to grow right before their eyes. The ground shook and spare suits of amour and swords snapped and moved under the pressure as Wufei seemed to expand and change in the small space. Human skin hardened on his face and arms as it started to bubble until it jutted out into scales. His face bulged forward and he fell onto his front legs his spine changed and giant wings sprouted from his back. The white robe lay in tatters on the stone floor.

Even Heero looked taken back as Wufei glared at them with his now reptilian eyes.

The black and red dragon before them reared to the fullest he could manage without slamming into the next floor. Duo swore later that he saw his smirk before Wufei let out a roar that rattled the walls and knocked the two off their feet.

"Run!" Duo yelled and grabbed Heero's arm. The vampire recovered from his shock and shook himself free as they turned and darted away from the dragon as fast as they could.

"Can't you stop him?" Heero managed to yell as they felt the floor rattle as Wufei started after them.

"I know I'm attractive Heero but even I can't ooze enough appeal right now!" Duo yelled back frustrated as he almost tripped and caught himself.

"I thought you were a witch!"

"I never said I was good!"

Heero growled. "This way!" he veered down a hall. Duo scrambled after him.

"Why?"

"I found the prince!"

Heero found Quatre right where he left him. The blonde clutched a small bag as he anxiously looked at the running pair. Heero grabbed his arm without breaking stride and started to pull him along until the prince regained his footing and ran on his own.

"What's going on?" Quatre struggled to keep up while lugging his bag. Duo grinned.

"Heero ruined the dragon's fun!"

"But Wufei's always so serious!"

Duo almost fell as he laughed but forced himself to concentrate as the tunnel appeared in the distance. He could hear the dragon's infuriated roar close behind them. Heero ran in first and Duo shoved the prince in. He took one last look behind him. He jumped as he felt Wufei's teeth snap right behind him.

"Come on!" Heero growled at the panting prince and started to drag him again. "We have to get moving before the dragon lights the tunnel on fire!"

"But Wufei can't _breathe_ fire!"

Duo clutched a cramp as he jogged down the dark tunnel after the pair. After Quatre managed to convince Heero that Wufei couldn't breathe fire and couldn't leave the castle grounds due to a spell, the vampire relented to slow his pace.

The tunnel opening proved to be slightly tricky. After a boost, Duo was finally pushed out kicking and screaming with Quatre following him. Heero jumped out easily.

Heero started to push them along the path to the edge of the mountain. Quatre stumbled after Duo, still trying to argue in defense of Wufei.

"I swear, even if he could get to us, he wouldn't hurt me!"

"I'll feel better once we're out of his sight," Heero growled in return and shot a look over his shoulder. Wufei's dragon body was framed in the doorway of the castle. There was a shimmer as the dragon shrank back into the Chinese boy.

Wufei shook his fist angrily as the three retreated over the mountain edge. Wufei banged a fist on the invisible barrier separating him from the outside world. 

"I'll get you, vampire," Wufei spat. "You and your witch too!" He turned around and stalked back into the castle. "Just as soon as I find some more clothes."


	5. The Quartet’s no wait, there's 3 right?

**Shriek**

Chapter 5

And the Quartet's- no wait, QUATRE'S journey begins. There are only three of them right?

They were still climbing down from the castle when Quatre paused and glanced nervously at the overcast sky.

"Have either of you a clue as to what the weather will be like for our journey?" he asked politely.

Duo stopped and glanced at Heero but the vampire hadn't even paused. The side of the mountain was hot and the stench hasn't quite gone away so Duo was eager to be on the way too.

"Overcast?" he guessed hopefully and Quatre smiled.

"Oh good," he sighed and started to pick his way down. Duo, relieved, started down after him. Quatre paused again and Duo almost crashed into him. "And how long will this journey take us? How will we travel? Do you have a coach waiting at the bottom or will we be riding?"

Duo bit back the curse he was about to place on the talkative blonde prince as he struggled to regain his balance. "Well, it only took us one day and one night to come here so I'm guessing it will be the same back. That is, if we don't stop. We are walking, so I hope you packed good shoes."

"The finest tailored," Quatre boasted slightly and started walking again. "I can barely walk from one end of my room to the other without crying in pain."

Heero had moved so far ahead of them that they would have to shout for him to hear them. They had only gone a few more feet when Quatre stopped for the third time and Duo, hurrying to catch up with Heero, didn't notice. The witch tripped and fell head over heels.

"One day and one night?" Quatre paled. Duo scrambled up to his feet, bleeding from several scratches over his arms and face.

"Yes," he bit out angrily. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh, I should not be walking during the day time," Quatre said airily. "Fair skin you know. We will just have to find some lodging."

Far ahead of them, Heero turned and noticed for the first time that the witch and the prince weren't right behind him. He stopped and grumbled. They didn't have time for this, anything could be happening at his house right now. Witches had a nasty habit of never picking up after themselves or turning off unfinished spells. Right now, he bet that at least one of them was putting plates next to his sink and when he got home the slime would be so stuck on it would take forever to scrub off. He never even USED plates, he did not want to have to wash them.

Duo and Quatre finally caught up to him. Duo was red in the face. Heero briefly wondered if he was all right but the smell of the blood pounding in Duo's veins was too tempting so he ignored it and kept going. Quatre caught him by the shoulder before he could go too far.

"Excuse me, um, Sir Prince, but I have some inquires that your servant couldn't answer."

"Servant!" Duo squawked but Heero and Quatre dismissed him.

"I should like to know where our journey will take us."

Heero was a bit startled at being addressed so he bit off a short reply. "Romefellor."

"And these are your lands I presume or the lands you will inherit."

"No," Duo answered, still put out. "Heero there is a bona fide vampire, we were contracted by Romefellor to rescue you."

Quatre looked first at Duo, then Heero, then sat down on a rock. He crossed his arms and looked ready for a long wait. "I'm sorry, but you'll just have to bring me back to the castle. It is quite clearly stated in my contract that I can only be rescued by the person I intend on marrying."

For once, when Duo and Heero glanced at each other, they were on the same wave length.

Quatre very vocally did not agree with being picked up and manhandled. Heero chanted his goal under his breath like a mantra while Duo shoved his fingers in his ears and made faces at the prince.

When Quatre realized that it was not getting him anywhere he gave up and relaxed. Heero set him on the ground, he may have had super human strength but endurance was not his forte.

"All right, I will comply with your wishes," Quatre sighed heavily. "But I'm not happy about it."

Duo rolled his eyes but when he opened his mouth Heero shot him a warning glare.

Now that he wasn't complaining so loudly, Quatre couldn't keep his eyes off the scenery. It had been so long since had been out of the castle. Everything on the trail amazed him. A nest of birds would force them to stop for ten minutes. Heero was clearly getting agitated but Duo, more relaxed, found it kind of cute.

It was on one of these detours that they were suddenly jumped.

Heero had been moodily obsessing over the fact that he hadn't eaten in three days and the two perfectly plump, blood pumping morsels were far too close for comfort. He didn't notice the rustling in the tree tops until it was too late.

A heavy net fell on Heero, trapping him and pinning him to the ground. Duo grabbed Quatre by the arm and started to drag him into the bushed but the witch was tackled to the ground by a heavy set man.

With the two threats out of the way, the rest of the bandits emerged from the bush.

"You've fallen into my trap, sweet prince," a sickly high voice giggled from the shadows and Heero groaned. Not her, anyone but her! "But I've finally ensnared you!"

"Look, Relena, we've been over this-"

"No, no, my dear prince of the shadows," the voice finally emerged from the trees and Duo stopped his squirming to gape at her. "You mustn't fight destiny!"

She was dressed in a spectacular amount of shiny black pleather. Her boots reached to her tights and her skirt rode up with every stop. She stopped occasionally to pull it back down. Her breasts were pushed up and together so much you could have rested a dinner plate on them. Her face was a contrasting pale, so white she looked sickly and her lipstick was shocking red. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a severe ponytail but bangs she must have been trying to grow out still gave her a childish appearance.

"You know we are meant to be together," she spoke softly and Heero gagged slightly.

There was a loud bang and the woman dropped. The man sitting on Duo relaxed his hold in shock and Duo squirmed free.

Heero, still tangled in the net, looked over to where the noise had come from. There was Quatre, a thick, silver gun in his hand, looking unwaveringly calm at the gasping Relena.

"No!" she screeched. "No, Heero is my destiny! He's my savior!"

Duo lifted the net and Heero managed to crawl out in a very unflattering way.

Blood was pouring from the gunshot on Relena's shoulder. She was growing paler and seemed to be shriveling. The men surrounding the prince, vampire and witch, stepped back.

"P-princess Relena!"

But the girl had finally withered away to a useless pile of black pleather and rubbery skin.

"What the-" Duo used a highly inappropriate word.

Heero was on his feet and scowling. He grabbed Duo's wrist in one iron-fisted hand and Quatre's in the other. "Let's get out of here."

"But-" Duo sputtered as Heero pulled him so violently down the path he nearly was dragged off his feet. "She's dead!"

"Not for long," Heero muttered through gritted teeth. "People like her never know when to die."

The men who had been surrounding them were shocked. Most stared at Quatre, who had an madcap smile on his face. Several gaped at the empty skin lying on the path and one, a particularly giant one, took a few tentative steps towards her.

He crouched down beside the skin and pleather that had been Relena and carefully lifted a limp hand up. He let it drop. Suddenly he shot to his feet and all of the other men came to attention.

"Sirs," the man's voice rumbled and Duo found himself clutching Heero's shirt. The vampire shook him off and went to stand by Quatre, who was still grinning. "My name is Rashid. We owe you a great debt today."

"No, no," Quatre said cheerily. "It was our pleasure." Heero nodded blankly.

"Please, sir, you don't understand," Rashid barred his huge monstrous teeth in what he probably hoped was a smile of joy. Duo thought he was coming in to eat them and covered his eyes with his hands. "We were all trapped into service by Queen Relena. You see, we are honour-bound from birth to serve and protect whoever should pay for our services. Queen Relena was undoubtedly our most foulest-"

"Nauseating," another man piped up.

"-demanding-"

"Bitchiest."

"-inconsiderate-"

"Heartless."

"-mistress-"

"Whore."

"-we have served," there was a slight twitch in Rashid's left eyebrow. "But you have saved us by terminating our contract with her. As such, according to sections 24 and 27-"

"2 and 6."

"-paragraphs 2 and 5-"

"6th and 3rd."

"-we must follow the one who has saved us from dishonorable service by throwing ourselves into their service until the time we have reconciled our life-debt to them."

Heero, Duo and Quatre looked expectedly at the noisy man standing to Rashid's right. He grinned wickedly.

"Means you can't get rid of us until one of us takes a bullet for you."

"All three of us?" Duo blinked.

"No, just the fair-haired prince," Rashid bowed.

"Free body guards?" Duo suddenly piped up. His fear long forgotten, he slung an arm around the man who had been commenting on every word Rashid had said. "I could live with that."


	6. Vampires, Witches and Bears, oh my!

Chapter 6 

_Vampires, Witches, Bears oh my! Not those kind of bears._

Trowa was swiftly rethinking this whole prince thing.

Coming from the humblest of beginnings he had always imagined the life of royalty to be worry free and the utmost of happiness. But his now-dead 'father' of a king had made any sort of luxury impossible.

"Sir Prince," another silk draped, lace trimmed and white wigged moron scrapped the ground at Trowa's feet. "We require your approval for the book on the next week's Reading Club. We have narrowed the choices to three, all recommended by the Queen to the South, Oprahria, but we would like your approval. This one-" the man began to prattle on and in the end Trowa waved a hand at the one with the fancy green cover and the man scraped his way out the door.

The entire afternoon had been like that. It was as if no one could make a simple decision on their own. "Bread or rice for lunch, sire?" "The red or blue robe for the dinner hour, sire?" "Does this dress make my ass look fat?"

Trowa looked up startled at that one and Princess Dorothy smirked back. With a wave of her hand the lingering crowd of richly dressed people disappeared. She settled herself in the smaller throne to the left of him, taking her time to rearrange her skirts.

"How did you do that?" Trowa asked, his voice nearly devoid of emotion.

"Well first you have to tuck the material under you just so or it wrinkles-"

"I meant with the people."

"It's the eyebrows," she replied. "So, if that un-dead guy hasn't gotten totally lost they should be arriving in the next few days with my fiancée. Are you planning on leaving?"

"I plan on living in the tower until I die of old age," Trowa said.

"I see. So, no plans for the throne?"

"_No!_" Trowa said so venomously she laughed.

"That's good for me I suppose," she stood from where she was sitting. "Let's hope this husband is as cute as you then."

Quatre was rightfully upset. First of all, yes, he was happy to have been rescued. After all, wasn't that why his well-meaning sisters had trapped him in that castle? But after all those years of reading nothing but those autobiographies of successfully rescued princesses, this weird pairing of heroes did not fit the description. Princess Aurora had clearly said there needed to be a kiss of true love, and Rapunzel was certain that there needed to be a horse. There just _needed_ to be one. How was a victim expected to walk all that way when they had been restricted to their prisons for years on end? As it was, his rescuer hadn't even offered him a drink of water let alone a rest for his weary feet. At least the army of men now marching along with them seemed to be somewhat entertaining.

Duo was pretty cheerful considering. He was the last to admit it, but the vampire had made him slightly nervous. He was pretty sure that Heero wasn't going to try and eat him but it was always handy to have a back up food supply if things got out of hand and the prince looked pale enough and moved slow enough that Duo was sure he could outrun him if things looked bad. It didn't hurt that now they had forty-odd loyal bodyguards.

Heero was indifferent. He had the prince, the witch was quiet (finally) and his swamp was as good as his. Especially now that the plastic princess was gone for at least a few days. Just enough time for him to Relena-proof his home again.

Setting up camp that night proved to be a bit more troublesome then most people had wanted. Heero had insisted in putting as much distance between them and the discarded pile of skin and pleather as possible and no one was willing to argue with him.

Finally, Quatre put his foot down and they stopped just before nightfall. Duo and Heero found settling down for the night a strange affair. With over forty men the small clearing that had chosen was overrun with tents, fires and loud bodily noises in moments. Heero, frustrated and becoming slightly mad with hunger, disappeared into the forest. Duo, frustrated for purely Draconian reasons (or lack therefore of), climbed a tree overlooking the camp and moodily stripped bark off the tree.

All of the bodyguards tried to insist on toasting their new leader (several times) but Quatre begged them off until he finally managed to quietly slip away.

He hadn't gone far when a deep voice to the right stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"H-Heero!" Quatre jumped. Guilty he looked at the ground as Heero stepped away from the shadows. "N-nowhere. The bathroom!"

"You're a long way out for the bathroom," Heero said and Quatre noticed something dangling from his hand. Curiosity got the better of him and he stepped closer for a look. Heero raised an eyebrow at his forwardness and held the object up so he could see better.

Quatre gasped at the dead rabbit and stumbled back a few steps. "What- why did you kill it?"

"I'm hungry," was all Heero said.

"Oh," Quatre stared at the dangling rabbit, noticing for the first time the steady drip of blood onto the ground. He licked his lips. Heero look hard at him for a moment before turning on his heel.

"You should stay by the camp," he said shortly and left. Quatre gulped.

Duo was getting quite fed up with all the noise below him. He had grown up with a coven, a single male in the midst of hundreds of females, and he had gotten used to the feminine chattering and gossiping and shrieking. This grunting, smelly mass of male bodies was starting to turn his stomach. Even the whole tree thing wasn't helping. He dropped from the branch and set out to put some distance between him and the horde of bodyguards. He found a nice enough clearing and flopped onto the grass, stared up at the stars and sighed contently. He closed his eyes.

He opened them when the smell of rich spices became too strong for him to ignore. Three inches from his face was The Dragon Wufei.

Duo screamed, a very good imitation of his pinkest sister, and shot straight up, slamming his forehead into Wufei's nose.

Duo scrambled to his feet while Wufei fell back on his heels, cursing and struggling to stop his nose from bleeding. Duo backed up and turned to run before curiosity stopped him.

"Are you okay?" he asked cautiously but didn't get any closer.

"Doh!" Wufei tried to shout. "Mbay dose is bloken!"

"Well you shouldn't have scared me!" Duo defended himself. Wufei glared.

"Dyou shoudent be so careliz," Wufei mumbled and pulled his hand away from his nose to check the bleeding.

"I'm perfectly safe," Duo retorted. He crossed his arms. Wufei hardly looked scary sprawled on the grass in the dark with blood down his face and over his shirt. "There's a whole guard of tough, strong men over there to protect me."

"Dhey didn't hear you scream," Wufei was sounding more coherent as the blood stopped. He wiggled his nose to make sure nothing was broken.

Duo ignored that. "Move your hands."

"Bwhy?"

"Because I said so," Duo felt like being bossy and grumpily Wufei pulled his hands away from his face. Duo stepped towards him as confidently as he could and crouched down to be level with him Wufei smirked and even with his nose swollen, blood all over his clothes and one silk slipper Duo's heart skipped a beat. He swallowed hard.

With a quick murmur and a hand wave the blood was gone leaving Wufei with only a tender nose. Startled Wufei's hands flew to his face.

"What did you do?"

"Cleaning spell," Duo beamed. "I learned it when I was eight. First time I've gotten it right."

"You used unstable magic on me?" Wufei squeaked out and his hands flew to check his face and shirt more thoroughly. Duo laughed.

"Don't worry; it would either clean or burn your face off," he pulled Wufei's hands away and leaned in. "And trust me. You don't look burned."

Wufei took the hint and leaned back on his elbows as Duo straddled his hips and took his face in his hands. With nothing but the moon and stars watching they picked up where they left off.

Wufei's hands went to Duo's waists, sliding up his shirt to touch bare skin. Duo jumped at the cold fingers, which sent his hips pressing harder to Wufei's stomach, and the Dragon grinned as Duo broke away to gasp. In retaliation Duo undid Wufei's hair. Wufei undid Duo's pants.

A few minutes later Wufei had Duo pressed against the earth with his shirt hanging off his shoulders as Wufei panted against his neck, his teeth scraping skin as they rocked against each other in frantic thrusts. Dou's hands trembled and clutched as Wufei's back as Wufei reached to pull his knees higher and squeezed his ass. Duo gasped and pulled him down for a deep kiss as Wufei slide his hands down the back of Duo's unfastened pants, pushing them lower and lower, stroking the skin that appeared.

Suddenly, like a flash, Wufei pulled away completely and scanned the tree line. Duo gasped and reached for his shirt to pull him back down.

"No!" Duo babbled. "Come on, we were just getting' to the good part!"

"He's here," Wufei growled. He glanced down at Duo who was flushed in the dark despite the cold and bent for a long, aggressive, possessive kiss. "Be careful of Quatre. Do not tell him I was here. I'll be back."

And with that Wufei darted off with a limp.

Groaning, the witch fell back onto the cold ground, feeling the heat sliding out of him. With a sigh he moved to fix his clothes.

"Duo!"

Duo nearly screamed again and pulled his shirt over his bare chest quickly. "Quatre!"

"What are you doing?" the pale prince looked shocked at finding the witch half naked and lying in the field. As most people would be. But Duo was ever quick on his feet.

"Uh, s-sky larding?"

"Larding?"

"Lacing."

"Sky lacing?"

"Uh, landing!"

"You're doing a sky landing?"

"Um, yes?"

"Do you mean a skylark?"

"Yes! Yes! A skylark! Naked witch dancing! Thank you!"

Quatre gave him a puzzled look but blushed as any sheltered prince would. "Oh. I'll just leave then."

"No, no!" Duo jumped to his feet and nearly tripped as his pants started to slide down. He yanked them up and buttoned them quickly. "I was, uh, just finishing up! We can go back together."

Needless to say, the awkward factor was through the roof as they walked back. Quatre refused to meet Duo's eyes but Wufei's words ran over and over in Duo's mind and it took all his self-control to not blurt out a question. Quatre finally broke the silence.

"So it's getting late," he ventured and Duo nodded. It was dark in the forest but the moon was bright enough to see by. "You should be getting some sleep."

"You too," Duo said graciously. "You must be tired from all this walking. I suppose you didn't get a lot of hikes in that castle."

"No," Quatre agreed. "But vampires don't sleep."

"What?"

"Heero! Heero's a vampire right?" Quatre's voice almost caught but not quite. This time he made a huge effort to avoid Duo's gaze. Duo nodded and tried to meet his eyes. In the whole eye-avoidance dance, neither saw the huge root until it was too late. They both tripped over their feet and flew face first into the dirt.

This time it was Duo clutching his nose and cursing in pain. "Gobbam mit!"

He was bleeding from his nose, hands and knees and he for one wasn't going to risk one of his spells backfiring on him. He glanced over to see if Quatre was okay. The prince was staring at him with a very odd look. Duo remembered vaguely the same look only it had been a few days earlier and on Heero's face. He scrambled to his feet, holding his nose. Wufei's warning hung ominously in the air.

"Oh Lok at da dime! Dnit ee dnit!" and then took off to the sounds of drunken singing that only moments before had driven him off.

Quatre and Heero didn't return to the camp until the final morning walk When questioned about his whereabouts Quatre waved them off with a smile and shot several sideways glances at Heero. Then he panicked when one of the men forecasted sun and conned another into lending him a ridiculously huge hat.

Duo was so distracted watching Quatre that he tripped and fell on his injured nose three times. Heero trailed sulkily in the back wondering if the 40 men horde escorting them through the forest would forfeit the deal of him getting his land back.

Quatre for his part was quite happy to flutter back and forth between the men just content to converse with someone that wasn't a dragon for once. However he never stayed with more then one person before floating over to another until he had chatted with them all. Duo watched as he drifted farther and father back to the edge of the group and separated himself from the crowd. Soon he was level with Heero. Duo sped up a little but kept twisting his neck back to watch.

Quatre was getting closer and closer to Heero who wasn't exactly backing off but before anything could happen Duo tripped on a huge root across the path and face planted into the dirt.

He stayed there, stunned, for a moment and no one took notice of him. It was, after all, the fourth time this morning and there was only so much interest people would take in him. Even Heero and Quatre passed him, Quatre talking in a low but cheery voice. Heero looked… not unhappy.

Not wanting to be left behind and finally getting some bearing back, Duo stood to hurry after them but an abrupt yank on his elbow sent him tumbling into a hard body hidden just off the path in the bushes.

Duo was ready to scream an alarm when he was cut off by a very insistent mouth and found his back pushed roughly against some bark and then found he had no interest in being discovered.

Wufei pulled back but Duo kept a good grip on his jacket.

"How do you keep sneaking up in a white coat?" was the only thing Duo could think of and Wufei sighed impatiently.

"Never mind that," Wufei said sternly. "You need to help me."

"Really?" Duo wagged his eyebrows in a very suggestive manner. "Is it a _hard_ problem?"

Wufei growled and said, "You can't let Quatre reach the castle."

"Why the hell not? We fulfill the mission, the little vampire is happy, I'm not a hunted creature anymore, all is good in the world."

"It's complicated," Wufei said. "Quatre… is cursed."


End file.
